The Alphabet

The Doctor's Appointment on Friday morning went extremely well. Dr. Handcock was in the process of delivering another baby in another room, so he was in a bit of a hurry. As I have said before, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but he said that the woman was "crowning", and I of course knew exactly what that meant. Mainly because I watched "Knocked Up". So, he was in a bit of a hurry which was no big deal. He said that I had been overdoing it on how much I was making Carrie eat. He said we could back it down a bit. This made Carrie very happy.

Mike: Hey! You said 200 grams of protein and 4000 calories!

Dr. Handcock: Wow! Are you sure I said that?

Carrie: He did not say 4000 calories!

Mike: Well.....he said 200 grams!

Dr. Handcock: Well, 200 grams sounds right, but 4000 calories...I don't remember saying that.

Mike: Well....I may have read that 4000 part somewhere.....but the 200 thing you said.

Dr. Handcock: Probably, but it's fine. It's cool to back it down a bit. She is doing great. We don't need to see her eating that much.

Carrie gives me a dirty look.

Mike: Hey! It's not like I was feeding her that much because it was fun for me to watch!

Carrie: You can calm down about it now!

Dr. Handcock: Yes, we really need to watch your salt intake so that you don't develop high blood pressure.

Another thing to worry about.

Also, how does a man get in trouble for trying to do the right thing? Very easily.

The first time we went in saw the triplets, we were in shock. This time we had a month to digest the news. Seeing them for the second time was no less amazing than the first. This time the ultrasound was done right on her stomach. We watched the screen as he rolled the thing around and all the babies came into view one at a time. This time they were much larger...about 7 centimeters. They were all kicking and moving.

What a sight.

Three babies in your wife at the same time.

A bit of news, there is a membrane between the two babies that we had first thought were identical. They share the same placenta, but there is now this membrane between them. They can still be identical, but they might be fraternal. We don't know yet. This membrane is good news, because it will keep their umbilical cords from getting entangled.

The bottom line is, they are growing, doing great, and on their way.

I was telling the band about this on the way to the show that night.

Me: Man, it's just crazy. I see those babies, and I think WOW! They are counting on me. They are counting on me to take care of them.

Then Slim, he plays in the band with me, had a wise ass comment.

Slim: Hey, there's three of them. One of them is bound to know better.

Nice.

After we saw the babies and determined that everything was good, I was thinking about how bad my brother and I were as kids. I thought about the things we had done, and they say you get paid back.

Three kids.

Paying me back.

I thought about the time that my brother Jason and I had tied up our baby sitter. She was actually the last baby sitter we ever had. I think I was around 6 or 7, which puts Jason at 3 or 4. This baby sitter had been through the war with us anyway, and was very hesitant to come over when Mom called her. I had put a butter knife in the blender one time when she was making my brother a vanilla shake. I was hoping that it would explode, and it did. All over the kitchen. She wasn't looking and I slipped it in there. When she turned it on, it exploded glass and ice cream all over. She screamed bloody murder and had to call her Mom to come over and help her get things under control. She was only about 12 or 13, and lived right next door to us. This way her Mom could run over when things got out of hand.

One night, she wasn't able to call her Mom.

My Dad had given Jason and I ropes for Christmas. Ropes like in lariats for roping calves ect. They were for kids, but they were still ropes. We practiced roping the fence posts in the front yard, and I'm sure one of the dogs fell prey to our roping antics. Anyhow, I got the bright idea that we should rope the baby sitter and tie her up. We had bunk beds in our bedroom, and I put Jason on the top bunk and told him to throw his rope around her when she came into the room. I set my rope with a large loop on the floor to get her legs.

Mike: Jason, scream as loud as you can and she will come running in here.

I was the big brother and at this point he always did what I said:

Jason: OWWW!! MICHAEL!! STOP!! OWWWW!!!!

He was doing a great job. I got excited.

The babysitter came running into the bedroom.

It worked perfectly.

Jason dropped his loop around her body and pulled it tight.

I got both of her feet in mine and pulled.

I wrapped up her legs as many times as I could, and she slid along the wall, and down to the floor. Jason and I then wrapped her up tied our ropes together in as many knots as possible.

There was our baby sitter.

Hog tied on the floor.

Poor girl.

It was about this time that Mom and Dad came home.

I don't remember how long we had her tied up for, but it was long enough.

Mom and Dad never went anywhere again.

They couldn't get a baby sitter.

This was a memory I had after we left the Doctor's office.

What was I in for? I imagine that Carrie was no Angel. I wasn't a bad kid, but I was ornery. I mean very ornery.

These triplets are going to kill us. If they are ANYTHING like my brother and I we are in for a long haul.

There have to be some rules. We are going to have to draw hard lines. They are instantly going to have Carrie and I outnumbered.

I have come up with a way to teach them the alphabet, and also help them learn a few rules. I'm sure they will come up with all kinds of things that I will never think of, but I 'm going to try and stay one step ahead.

A is for ASPIRIN. Daddy needs to take this when it gets too loud. Mommy needs Excedrin.

B is for BASEBALL. Dad loves the Red Sox, so we are always quiet and good when the Red Sox are playing. We also love the Red Sox, even when they are playing Mommy's Cardinals.

C is for COCKTAILS. Daddy needs cocktails. At least two per day.

D is for DRIVING. We are always quiet and sit in our car seats quietly when Mommy or Daddy are driving. We don't ever try to drive the car out of the garage and bust out the back window of the Chevy Blazer. Ask Grandma what happens.

E is for E*TRADE. We need to learn to talk fast so that we can be the first triplets on an E*TRADE commercial.

F is for FAIR. Life is not fair. We know this is true and we don't complain. Otherwise we might have to paint Grandpa's entire shop with a two inch paint brush and waste a perfectly good summer.

G is for GOOD. We are good babies. Very good babies. Everyone is so amazed with how GOOD we are. Soon we will be good kids. We will never have to spend three days in "In School Suspension" for fighting. Ask Dad.

H is for HOUSE. This is where we live. We don't break things, kick holes in doors, start fires or try to kill a spider with a broom and break a bunch of expensive plates and get grounded for two weeks.

I is for INSURANCE. Daddy is stressed out about how much our Insurance costs. We are very healthy and we never need to go to the Doctor or Emergency room for using a hammer to beat on our big wheel and have it bounce up, splitting our head open, and have to get rushed to the hospital for stitches. Ask Uncle Jason.

J is for JOB. We need to get jobs. Jobs are good. It's never too soon to get a job. Ask Dad what happens when you have a thin resume and triplets on the way. Plan ahead.

K is for KRUG. It's a great last name, even if people always pronounce it wrong, including when Mommy and Daddy got married and when Daddy graduated from college. We won't ever hear it called out at the Travis County Jail or in open Court unless we are lawyers.

L is for LISTENING. We always listen to directions and do things right the first time. Otherwise we might have to go the farm and dig fence posts all day after we stayed out too late drinking beer.

M is for MONEY. Money does not grow on trees. To get money, we get JOBS. We won't need money to pay for the neighbors window that someone shot out with a pellet gun.

N is NIGHTTIME. Nighttime is when we go to sleep. We sleep all night long, and we never yell or wake up.

O is for "OH MY GOD THERE ARE THREE OF THEM".

P is for POTTY TRAINED. We will be miracle babies and be Potty Trained in the first two days.

Q is for QUIET. Daddy likes Peace and Quiet. Especially at night and during baseball games. We are quiet babies.

R is for REST. Mommy needs her rest. We are always good when Mommy is resting. When Mommy doesn't get enough rest, things go very bad for Daddy.

S is for SANITY. Mom and Dad need alone time to keep their SANITY. We can't sleep in Mom and Dad's Bed. We stopped any action for the entire third trimester and this can't continue.

T is for TOGETHER. We always do things together for Mom and Dad's convenience. We never run off from the family at the Russell County Fair and get dragged back to the car by the ear.

U is for UN-AMERICAN. It is UN-AMERICAN do be a bad baby.

V is for VEHICLE. We understand that Mommy and Daddy had to get a very uncool vehicle because of us.

W is for WAITING. We always wait our turn. We never cut into the front of the line, get in a fist fight and have to miss recess for a week. Again, ask Dad.

X is for X RAY. X Rays are expensive. We never hit each other with bats and have to go to the emergency room for X Rays. We also never think we can jump off of the roof and use a trash bag as a parachute. This leads to X Rays.

Y is for YELLING. We try and do our best to keep Mommy from Yelling at Daddy. If Mommy is unhappy, then no one is happy.

Z is for ZERO. We will be in ZERO trouble if we call Mom and Dad for help. If we are 15 and we drink beer and call Dad for a ride, he will come get us and not say a single word. Just like Grandpa did.