God's Assistant: Um..hey...God.
God: Come on in. Just watching T.V.
God's Assistant: You are always watching those two.
God: Yep. I also have it on DVR. J.C. likes to watch it on Sunday nights. Besides we are putting together a highlight reel that I can play for the guys.
God's Assistant: What's he doing right now?
God: He's looking for his tape measure.
God's Assistant: It's right there on the work bench. He keeps walking past it.
God: I know. He knows what he is looking for, and then one second later he forgets and walks right by it.
God's Assistant: What's she doing?
God: Trying hard to sit on the couch and not get up and beat something or someone to death with a baseball bat. Mainly him.
God's Assistant: Wow.
God: Did you see the tape from last week?
God's Assistant: No..I'm afraid I'm out of the loop a bit.
God: Check this out.
Rewinds tape to last week on the HCS (Heaven Cable System) DVR.
God: Watch right here.
God's Assistant: Wow! Did she just throw that?
God: Yep. Hit him right there.
God's Assistant: That's going to leave a mark! Look how scared the dog is.
God: I've watched this part a thousand times. It's still funny.
God's Assistant: How long are you going to let this go on?
God: She's at 28 weeks tomorrow. I don't know. It' s pretty fun for us. They aren't having any fun, but hey it's temporary. Let's go back to watching it live.
God's Assistant: Is he crying?
God:Yes. He sits down and sobs regularly. He cries more than she does.
God's Assistant: I don't mean to be out of line here, but don't you have better things to do?
God: We've been over this. I'm doing them. You are only one of an infinite number of assistants that I'm talking to at this moment. You just have that small little section of North Austin to worry about. I'm omnipresent and whatnot. You only see part of me. It would blow your mind if you saw all of me at once.
God's Assistant: My mind is blown by that T-Shirt. That's a brand new Joan Jett T-Shirt from 1983.
God: True and these Bermuda shorts are a one of kind too. Don't let the outfit fool you. I'm serious.
God's Assistant: I still can't believe you picked these two to be triplet parents. It doesn't seem like you were being entirely serious with that decision.
God: They are perfect. Especially for those three.
God's Assistant: I just ran into them in the waiting room. Wow.
God: Nice right? I did a bit of extra work on them. What were they doing?
God's Assistant: Well, they were shooting craps up against the waiting room wall. One of them hit me in the head with a magazine. Then the other two got in a fist fight over money and they were rolling around on the floor.
God: Yep. Just like their parents.
God's Assistant: It would seem so. This birth can't happen too soon. Those two are about out of their minds, and Mary Magdalene says the staff has had enough of the triplets.
God: Everyone needs to calm down. They aren't that bad. You're just mad they hit you with a magazine.
God's Assistant: Maybe. By the way, I saw you made the cover of your own magazine again.
God: Yep. This month was me test driving the new Escalade.
God's Assistant: You make every cover.
God: No. We put Oprah on the cover in June of '09.
God's Assistant: I remember.
God: I figured she might put me or J.C. on the cover of her magazine. No such luck. All Oprah. All the time.
God's Assistant: No one is even sure what you really look like.
God: There are drawings.
God's Assistant: So what do I tell everyone? A few more weeks?
God: Yep. Tell everyone to hold tight. Normally we run these things to around 36 weeks.
God's Assistant: Eight more weeks of bed rest? Are you sure? Look at her. Most women only have one week of being at 40 weeks. She will be there for eight more. Someone is going to get hurt and I think we all know it's going to be him.
God: He'll be fine. He's got a hard head. Besides if he can't handle her he's in for real trouble with those three boys.
God's Assistant: Okay. Moses and Noah are waiting in the bar.
God: Okay. Where are my Oakleys?
God's Assistant: On the table by your car keys.
God: I think watching him is rubbing off on me.
DISCLAIMER: The above is pure fiction. Nothing has been thrown and we are not sure what God really wears.
4 comments:
that's great, Mike! love your writing. hang tough!
ROTFLMAO!!!
Glad you made it home safe from IL.
Haha! Best wishes in the coming weeks.
Finally figured out how to leave a comment -- duh! I'm a senior citizen :-) Love reading your blog and keeping up with the progress of your boys. I check it every few days. You are a great writer, Michael. Dean and I are keeping you, Carrie, and the boys in our prayers. Best wishes, Carrie -- it will be worth it - I know - we have 5 boys! Betty & Dean Boxberger
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