The Final Chapter in the Triplet Mobile Saga

As you know, the very thought of purchasing a vehicle makes me insane. You see, the whole vehicle thing is a racket in this country. Apparently our entire economy is based around automobiles, oil, and the housing market. As long as people are buying and building houses, purchasing cars, and burning oil, the world marches on. If one of these things falters, the stock market takes a huge dip and people stop spending money. This means no one is buying cars, buying houses, or burning oil. It really is that simple.

A house doesn't bother me. A house can last a very long time. Just do some simple upkeep and you can stay in a house for your whole life. A vehicle on the other hand is a very different thing. They are designed so that they are impossible to work on. You have to take it to the dealer or a mechanic to do anything on modern vehicles besides air up the tires. A vehicle also becomes completely worthless and starts to fall apart after a maximum of five years no matter how good you take care of it. Vehicles are the only item that we as human beings purchase that we know are completely overpriced and designed to break. Do you know how I know this is true? There are several reasons.

First of all, they first started building Hummers for the United States Military. Later on, they became something ridiculous for civilians to buy. The vehicles designed for the military could be driving along and lose an entire wheel and keep going on three wheels. My buddy had a bomb go off under his Hummer in Iraq. They just kept driving and no one inside was injured. This is proof that vehicles can be built to withstand a whole lot. On normal vehicles, you can't hit a curb without bending the frame or throwing the whole front end out of alignment.

For my next example, I point at the Space Shuttle. These units fly through the earth's atmosphere withstanding extremely high temperatures. Then they fly out into space and orbit the earth. Later, the come back into the atmosphere of the earth and land. You are trying to tell me that the human mind can come up with this stuff, but they can't make a vehicle that they are willing to give more than a 100,000 mile warranty?

This is because they (the man) want every person on earth to have a car payment. Car payments mean the banks are happy. Vehicle purchases make the automobile manufacturers happy. All of this makes the oil companies happy cause that's what we are going to burn in these little overpriced pieces of junk. In other words, you are literally paying people to screw you over.

However, I am not an expert. You are not here to read my opinions about the nation's economy. You are here because I got a woman pregnant with triplets, and let me tell you people, that was easy. Talking myself into buying a vehicle for them has not been near as fun.

So, here we are on Tuesday morning. I knew it was coming down. Carrie's old car was long gone. We were using Carrie's mother's car until we found the right vehicle to purchase. I knew this couldn't work for long. Carrie found a 2007 Chevy Tahoe online in Marble Falls, Texas. I looked at it and my heart sank.

It looked good and the price was very good. Low miles and it came with a warranty. I called the number and talked to Matthew Shaw the sales rep.

Mike: You still have that 2007 Tahoe?

Matthew: Yes we do.

I told him what I wanted to pay. He was very nice and we haggled for a while.

Mike: You should throw in the extended warranty.

Matthew: I can't do that.

Mike: Yes you can.

Matthew: Come on in and check it out.

Mike: I'm not easy to deal with.

Matthew: You sound reasonable.

Mike: I'm not reasonable at all. Wait until you meet me.

Matthew: Just come test drive it.

So, we drive out there and Matthew is waiting for us and has the vehicle all washed up and ready to drive. It looks great. Carrie is happy. I'm getting nervous. I may have to actually purchase this thing.

We drive it, and I like it. I crawl underneath it and make a big show about looking at every detail. I try and give Matthew as much trouble as possible. I poke and prod at him. He deflects my barbs like a pro. He actually ignores most of them. You see, Matthew is a smart guy. He took one look at Carrie and I and knew instantly that if Carrie liked it and wanted the Tahoe, she was going to get it. He knew good and well that I would have little to do with any decision, and any show I put on was simply for my own entertainment.

I like the Tahoe for several reasons. First of all, it's on a truck frame. Lots of metal between my family and the outside world. The vehicle is super clean and it even has DVD screens in each head rest. There were three, yes three wireless headsets to listen to this DVD system. Three. Nice touch Matthew. I told him about the triplets on the phone. I was hoping for some sympathy. He played that one like a total pro. I don't know what standard is, but he made sure there were three.

We go into his office and talk for a while. The deal is good, and we can actually afford the vehicle which was a real bonus. We head over to the finance office and wait for that guy. While we are waiting Carrie and I have an interesting conversation.

Mike: It's still a lot of money.

Carrie: Yes, but it's not much more than the old car payment.

Mike: That doesn't help.

Carrie: Besides, I'm saving us $2400 a month by taking care of our kids so we don't have to spend that much on day care.

Mike: Well with that logic, I'm saving us $1,000 a day by NOT having a massive cocaine problem.

Finally, after a bit of a wait, we go to sign the papers on our Tahoe.

I start to sweat and feel light headed.

The finance guy reads the numbers and starts printing out papers for me to sign. I try to sign quickly. My vision is all blurry and sweat is dropping on the purchase forms and loan documents. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I just don't want him to say the purchase price out loud again. Just say the monthly payment. That's easier to think about. I can pretend I'm renting the car for that much money. I sign my name without reading anything. I could have signed away one of my kidneys or my liver for all I know. Just before I vomited on his desk, it was over.

We get the keys and I put Carrie behind the wheel, and she looks good. I feel safe with her in the Tahoe. I will feel safe with my boys in the Tahoe. We head back to Austin and I have to admit, the ride to the hospital that day was really nice. I feel like we did good.

Wanna see it?



This is a photo of it from the dealer's page. I would recommend buying a vehicle from Matthew Shaw. He knew the score and worked it to his advantage. I couldn't even bother him, and I really tried. The real victory here is this:

Carrie is happy.

That's all that matters.

How are the boys? They are awesome. Cash and Zane have been eating a bit from the bottle. Cade should start soon. They are all gaining weight and have no problems. I can't believe how lucky we are. Cade still weighs the most followed by Cash, and then Zane. They are really close to one another. It won't be long and they will all be out of their incubators. I enjoy every second I can with them, and I try hard not to look too far into the future. I want to live in the moment and just be happy with how they are doing everyday.

Today, their grandmother (my mother) got to meet them for the very first time. She got to help give Cade a bath, and then she got to hold him. I don't know who enjoyed it more, Mom or Cade. She is here for a week and will no doubt hold both Cash and Zane next time.

Carrie is doing awesome too. She is just the best Mom. Her thoughts are always with her boys and she works very hard for them everyday. For me, watching Carrie take care of her boys is like watching Picasso paint or Mozart compose music. She does it with a grace and elegance that astounds me. You could just set her actions to music. It's so natural to her, she doesn't even know how great she is at being a mother. She just seems to float from one boy to another with a level of love and caring that I can't describe. I just watch with a sense of contentment that I have never known.

Here is Mom with Cade. If that boy only knew the things his Grandma has given and will give him. These are lucky lucky boys.